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It’s been a long six months, what’s felt like

It’s been a long six months, what’s felt like years. One hundred and eighty seven days of constantly trying to curate positive thoughts, hours I’ve tried to fill with gratitude, with contentment of all that’s good, all that’s right in front of me, pleating and working with my emotions- all to try and prepare myself for this very moment…but here I am, and it still hurts. I ache for this part of me that’s now gone, this part of me that was suppose to bring a baby into my arms to love so deeply. And as much as I want to run away, to hide in a dark room and just cry, I’m reminded that in these moments of pain is where growth happens, where internal change happens. Our journey’s been altered, but that doesn’t mean it’s an end. There’s incredible power in hope but you have* to allow it in because holding on to fear, to anger, to resentment...it has the power to completely burry us. So here I am, mourning but still profoundly thankful for the hands that God guided during surgery, for the extra years I’ll get to spend watching my little boy grow, for the path He’s changed for us, because 5 years from now I’m certain I’ll look back and truly believe “this was the only path that could have brought us here” ✨

This year Mother’s Day has felt a little differe

This year Mother’s Day has felt a little differently, this distant thought in the back of my mind of what could have been and of the plans we had that will go unseen. A day where I’ve let what’s been aching come to the surface in order to reflect on all the things that are instead of all the things that aren’t. This sweet little face, that seems to melt my heart completely whether smiling, sleeping, crying or giggling. The feeling of his little arms around my neck from a hug that makes the world around seem to vanish. Feeling completely fulfilled, needing nothing more, from a single “I love you.” I could’ve never imagine a love like this, a love so deep it hurts. And this- this is all the things that are, not all the things that aren’t, and my gosh, it’s so much more than enough 🤍

Joshua went to bed so early after all his running

Joshua went to bed so early after all his running in the backyard today (would you believe he’s never had a backyard before? Now he says it’s his “favorite place in the whole world”🥺) So I had a little extra time and wanted to share this beautiful ceramic collection that caught my eye. This house project has been a long one, but we’re finally getting to the fun deign part again and I’m so excited! I honestly didn’t expect any of you to be interested in this part of our life but it’s been such a treat (and so helpful) having you all share options and ideas with us. But really I still can’t believe how many of you are secret home designers 🙊

Thankful tonight for all the little things we star

Thankful tonight for all the little things we start to notice again when we allow ourselves to slow down. Nature has felt so healing 🤍

We were facetiming my grandma this morning, Joshua

We were facetiming my grandma this morning, Joshua couldn’t stay still, he was so excited to show her his tent that had a castle he built inside and the pillows laid out all over the floor to keep her from falling in the ocean. He brought her to his store front made out of cabinet doors being open, and the collection of rocks and leaves he found outside to make her soup with. And as I watched her play with him from 3000+ miles away she said, “Isn’t it just beautiful, how little they need to be so happy? You are the only one who can keep that alive.” And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only that truly, he’s been the happiest this month, even in the mist of chaos, than he’s been in the last year, but also that as his parents, one of our most important jobs is to keep that spark alive. That genuine joy that comes from the little mundane things. The excitement you can find just being around nature. That peace from within even as the world feels like it’s crumbling around us. She told me it was one of the most important things I can leave him with- and I think she’s exactly right ✨

One of the first drawings and renders mathieu did

One of the first drawings and renders mathieu did for Joshua’s bathroom in our build. It was midnight, we were stuffing our face with popcorn in bed and he had this idea to have a tub “room” in the back where we can sit, keep his toys, and let him splash as much as he wants too ✨ Our build site got shut down with the city closing a month ago so just adding onto all the delays with this house buttttt it’s finally been lifted and we are back to building on Monday 🤗 Remember how this house was suppose to be done last August? I should’ve listened to all you building veterans who told me “don’t count on it” 😂

Just wanted to say the biggest thank you for the w

Just wanted to say the biggest thank you for the words and prayers sent to us in the last 24 hours. To be honest two months ago it felt like this cancer was the most crippling thing imaginable; like the world was moving forward and I was stuck in one muted and lonely place, trying to process and not finding a way. But slowly, God started to show us peace in a chapter that felt so unfair; one that wasn’t from grasping on to an idea that everything will be ok, but rather from truly believing that this is exactly where we’re meant to be, exactly as it should be. And the one thing that has been the most true since this diagnosis is that the seasons of life and days that make them can be filled with more than just one feeling. Sadness, joy, worry, comfort, real content- they aren’t mutually exclusive. You can have moments where the tears are uncontrollable and it feels too much to bare and still feel complete heart melting joy an hour later from watching someone you love play and smile. Just because there is one aspect of your life that is hard doesn’t mean that all the good can’t over shine it if you’re willing to let it. So in between all these tests and scans and bloodwork, the fear and tears and questions, there is real happiness and laughter and a room full of blanket tents and nights telling stories over pancake dinners. Life isn’t just in the happy, it’s in the in between, the harder moments, the ones that feel like they might break you, but that is it’s beauty and we are here for all of it ✨

Even when the whole world is aching, when our thou

Even when the whole world is aching, when our thoughts are filled with fear and worry, when it feels impossible to grasp on to hope, and when the future feels so uncertain — all they truly need is you. To help them smile, to remind them of how loved they are, to feel safely held in your arms no matter the tribulation around them. Our most important impact ✨

Spending the days on Pinterest with some crazy cer

Spending the days on Pinterest with some crazy ceramic envy and a list of 50 other things I’d love to hobby in 🙈 Anyone else on the same train? (These beautiful ceramics from one of my favorite artist, @luke.eastop, he is incredible)

It’s been a long six months, what’s felt like

It’s been a long six months, what’s felt like years. One hundred and eighty seven days of constantly trying to curate positive thoughts, hours I’ve tried to fill with gratitude, with contentment of all that’s good, all that’s right in front of me, pleating and working with my emotions- all to try and prepare myself for this very moment…but here I am, and it still hurts. I ache for this part of me that’s now gone, this part of me that was suppose to bring a baby into my arms to love so deeply. And as much as I want to run away, to hide in a dark room and just cry, I’m reminded that in these moments of pain is where growth happens, where internal change happens. Our journey’s been altered, but that doesn’t mean it’s an end. There’s incredible power in hope but you have* to allow it in because holding on to fear, to anger, to resentment...it has the power to completely burry us. So here I am, mourning but still profoundly thankful for the hands that God guided during surgery, for the extra years I’ll get to spend watching my little boy grow, for the path He’s changed for us, because 5 years from now I’m certain I’ll look back and truly believe “this was the only path that could have brought us here” ✨

This year Mother’s Day has felt a little differe

This year Mother’s Day has felt a little differently, this distant thought in the back of my mind of what could have been and of the plans we had that will go unseen. A day where I’ve let what’s been aching come to the surface in order to reflect on all the things that are instead of all the things that aren’t. This sweet little face, that seems to melt my heart completely whether smiling, sleeping, crying or giggling. The feeling of his little arms around my neck from a hug that makes the world around seem to vanish. Feeling completely fulfilled, needing nothing more, from a single “I love you.” I could’ve never imagine a love like this, a love so deep it hurts. And this- this is all the things that are, not all the things that aren’t, and my gosh, it’s so much more than enough 🤍

Joshua went to bed so early after all his running

Joshua went to bed so early after all his running in the backyard today (would you believe he’s never had a backyard before? Now he says it’s his “favorite place in the whole world”🥺) So I had a little extra time and wanted to share this beautiful ceramic collection that caught my eye. This house project has been a long one, but we’re finally getting to the fun deign part again and I’m so excited! I honestly didn’t expect any of you to be interested in this part of our life but it’s been such a treat (and so helpful) having you all share options and ideas with us. But really I still can’t believe how many of you are secret home designers 🙊

Thankful tonight for all the little things we star

Thankful tonight for all the little things we start to notice again when we allow ourselves to slow down. Nature has felt so healing 🤍

We were facetiming my grandma this morning, Joshua

We were facetiming my grandma this morning, Joshua couldn’t stay still, he was so excited to show her his tent that had a castle he built inside and the pillows laid out all over the floor to keep her from falling in the ocean. He brought her to his store front made out of cabinet doors being open, and the collection of rocks and leaves he found outside to make her soup with. And as I watched her play with him from 3000+ miles away she said, “Isn’t it just beautiful, how little they need to be so happy? You are the only one who can keep that alive.” And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only that truly, he’s been the happiest this month, even in the mist of chaos, than he’s been in the last year, but also that as his parents, one of our most important jobs is to keep that spark alive. That genuine joy that comes from the little mundane things. The excitement you can find just being around nature. That peace from within even as the world feels like it’s crumbling around us. She told me it was one of the most important things I can leave him with- and I think she’s exactly right ✨

One of the first drawings and renders mathieu did

One of the first drawings and renders mathieu did for Joshua’s bathroom in our build. It was midnight, we were stuffing our face with popcorn in bed and he had this idea to have a tub “room” in the back where we can sit, keep his toys, and let him splash as much as he wants too ✨ Our build site got shut down with the city closing a month ago so just adding onto all the delays with this house buttttt it’s finally been lifted and we are back to building on Monday 🤗 Remember how this house was suppose to be done last August? I should’ve listened to all you building veterans who told me “don’t count on it” 😂

Just wanted to say the biggest thank you for the w

Just wanted to say the biggest thank you for the words and prayers sent to us in the last 24 hours. To be honest two months ago it felt like this cancer was the most crippling thing imaginable; like the world was moving forward and I was stuck in one muted and lonely place, trying to process and not finding a way. But slowly, God started to show us peace in a chapter that felt so unfair; one that wasn’t from grasping on to an idea that everything will be ok, but rather from truly believing that this is exactly where we’re meant to be, exactly as it should be. And the one thing that has been the most true since this diagnosis is that the seasons of life and days that make them can be filled with more than just one feeling. Sadness, joy, worry, comfort, real content- they aren’t mutually exclusive. You can have moments where the tears are uncontrollable and it feels too much to bare and still feel complete heart melting joy an hour later from watching someone you love play and smile. Just because there is one aspect of your life that is hard doesn’t mean that all the good can’t over shine it if you’re willing to let it. So in between all these tests and scans and bloodwork, the fear and tears and questions, there is real happiness and laughter and a room full of blanket tents and nights telling stories over pancake dinners. Life isn’t just in the happy, it’s in the in between, the harder moments, the ones that feel like they might break you, but that is it’s beauty and we are here for all of it ✨

Even when the whole world is aching, when our thou

Even when the whole world is aching, when our thoughts are filled with fear and worry, when it feels impossible to grasp on to hope, and when the future feels so uncertain — all they truly need is you. To help them smile, to remind them of how loved they are, to feel safely held in your arms no matter the tribulation around them. Our most important impact ✨

Spending the days on Pinterest with some crazy cer

Spending the days on Pinterest with some crazy ceramic envy and a list of 50 other things I’d love to hobby in 🙈 Anyone else on the same train? (These beautiful ceramics from one of my favorite artist, @luke.eastop, he is incredible)

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